You may as a Georgia Bulldog fan be tempted to feel self-pity and frustration with your lot in gridiron life. However, this week in the SEC, it turns out things could be a whole lot worse than a close loss at home to Alabama.
Alabama: This may not be the Alabama of old, but it’s apparently close enough to turn Kirby Smart and his boys into a puddle of goo, and that will never not be frustrating.
Arkansas: Alas! Poor Pittman, I knew him well, and am willing to write him a sterling recommendation on LinkedIn.
Auburn: “Watching Hugh Freeze blow a gasket in the course of his second SEC loss to start the season provides a relief denied even to prayer” is what Mark Twain would say if he were here right now.
Florida: Found a way not to lose in embarrassing fashion for once.
Georgia: Be right back, going to watch the first five minutes of “Up” and the last five minutes of “Ole Yeller” to cheer myself up…
Kentucky: Actually, I rewatched Kentucky’s loss to South Carolina on Saturday and as it turns out things might not be so bad after all, comparatively speaking.
LSU: “Beat the brakes off Southeast Louisiana State but don’t worry, Tiger fans still really despise Brian Kelly” is what I said last week and, boy oh boy, we’ve cranked up the burner on that pot of gumbo now!
Mississippi State: So bye, bye Ms. American Pie, ole Jeff Lebby almost beat Tennessee but came up just shy.
Oklahoma: “I’m not a betting man, but if I was John Mateer to win the Heisman is the kind of wager I might be tempted to throw a buck or two in the direction of” is what I said last week, illustrating conclusively why I’m not a betting man or an orthopedic surgeon.
Ole Miss: Hotty, Toddy Goshamighty, Lane’s still gonna mess this up!
Missouri: Head into the bye week following a solid thrashing of UMass and will emerge to play Alabama, against whom Ahmad Hardy will surely rush for over 175 yards.
South Carolina: “Can you imagine being a South Carolina football fan and actually expecting good things in this life, no of course not, me neither” is what I said last week, absent-mindedly forgetting that the ‘Cocks still have Kentucky on the schedule.
Tennessee: An overtime win against Mississippi State is the SEC football equivalent of riding a moped, exhilarating and not even a little embarrassing, as long as your friends don’t find out about.
Texas: DJ Lagway and Arch Manning will square off this weekend in a matchup of quarterbacks your buddy who knows 1/3 as much about college football as he believes he does bet his mortgage money on to win the Heisman back in June.
Texas A&M: Mike Elko’s team beat Auburn by dragging them into a game of shenanigans and beating them with experience.
Vanderbilt: “Vanderbilt football has now begun the season 5-0 for the first time since October 4, 2008 when the top song on the Billboard charts was ‘‘So What’ by Pink and the top movie at the box office was ‘Beverly Hills Chihuahua’” is yet another absolutely true statement about the current delightfully bizarre state of Vandy football.
Go ‘Dawgs!!!
