Woman Says She Thinks It’s ‘Disrespectful’ for Her Elderly Father to Remarry 5 Years After Her Mom Died

A woman says that her widowed father wants to remarry — and she has major concerns.

The woman detailed her story on the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place were people can go to seek advice about interpersonal dilemmas. In her post, the woman explained that her mother died suddenly five years ago “after a short illness.”

“My dad was devastated, they’d been together 50+ years,” she added.

However, the original poster (OP) said that her father met a widowed woman around his same age “later that year,” and they have been “together ever since.”

“[They are] not exactly living together but they live close by so pretty much do everything as a couple,” she explained.

The OP went on to say that she and her sibling “didn’t object” to her father dating someone new, as he “was happy enough and had been clear from the start that he wouldn’t be moving in with her … and had no intention of marrying again.”

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The woman said that things recently took a turn when her father asked if she had any “objection” to him marrying his current partner. 

“I said I did. That it was something he said wouldn’t happen, and that if I gave them my blessing it would feel disrespectful to my mother’s memory,” she continued.

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“Was I wrong to say this?” she asked, before noting that she is also concerned about her father’s estate and finances — specifically that the money and assets which were “jointly accumulated” by both her father and mother over 50 years may “not pass solely to his two children but to his [new] wife, who he has known for a relatively short time.”

A number of commenters said that they thought the OP’s priorities were out of order.

“I’m sorry you lost your mom, OP, [but] yes, I think you’re being unreasonable,” one person said, adding, “Five years later is hardly out of the blue. And your reasons seem to be about your inheritance, not your father’s happiness.”

Another person said, “Honestly, he’s been with the new lady for five years. Perhaps he loves her and wants to share his later years with her. If he is capable of marriage, he is perfectly capable of making a will that will consider everyone’s needs. I understand that it may be upsetting but I think you need to let him live his life.”

Others said they thought the OP’s reasoning made sense.

“Yanbu [you are not being unreasonable],” one commenter said. “I wouldn’t remarry in those circumstances, and on that basis I wouldn’t expect my parent to [remarry]. So I would be very open that I have massive concerns re: my mother’s estate not going to her children/grandchildren.”

The same person added, “All my aunts and uncles who are on their ‘second marriage’ are [technically] unmarried because they have children. [I] think [remarrying is] poor decision making, to be frank.”