It’s once again time to take a lingering look around the SEC landscape and see which craters are smoking the most. That’s right, it’s the SEC in a Sentence, brought to you this week by Crazy Leroy’s Executive Search Service, guaranteed to deliver candidates rather than can’tdidates.
Alabama: Gleefully watched Auburn fire its coach and had a player arrested for a series of vehicular infractions as they continue their push to replicate Kirby Smart’s success in Athens.
Arkansas: The bad news is they lost to Mississippi State but the good news is that’s a solid excuse not to hire Bobby Petrino on a full time basis.
Auburn: Raise your hand if you have a lot more time for golf now.
Florida: For the fifth year running basketball season has arrived in Gainesville just in time!
Georgia: Beating the Gators in Jacksonville, and watching them slump dejectedly out of that stadium never, ever, ever gets old.
Kentucky: Mark Stoops learned long ago that, to paraphrase General Patton, you don’t die for your university, you try to make the other dumb SOB die for his university, and in Lexington that’s quite enough.
LSU: As the search for their next former coach begins ask yourself, “Could you imagine voluntarily jumping into this burlap sack of crazy Cajun weasels and cinching up the cord behind you?”
Mississippi State: Squeaked one out over Arkansas to win their first SEC conference game in two years in a matchup of teams which have come to stretch both the definitions of “winning” and “SEC.”
Oklahoma: If Brent Venables didn’t bounce out his front door on Sunday morning joyfully singing the lyrics to “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” from famed Broadway, musical “Oklahoma!” he never will.
Ole Miss: It’s going to be pretty fun watching Ole Miss lose a playoff game while the ESPN crew talks about nothing but how Lane’s going to “change the culture” at Florida and knowing not a word of it is true.
Missouri: Had a bye week to figure out how to jam something in the gears of the wood chipper that is the Texas A&M defense, but are unlikely to have come up with anything concrete.
South Carolina: Can you imagine being a South Carolina football fan and actually expecting good things in this life, no of course not, me neither.
Tennessee: This is where I would normally make a juvenile joke about how much Josh Heupel looks like Bobby Hill or Chumley from Pawn Stars but honestly at this point that just feels like piling on.
Texas: Arch Manning once again managed to get out of the shower without drowning and eat breakfast without putting either of his eyes out with his fork, and thus is back in the Heisman conversation.
Texas A&M: For once not even close to the craziest people in the room and I say hooray for them on that score.
Vanderbilt: There was a time when 8-4 was a far off dream rather than a nightmare scenario in Nashville, and the fact that some Vandy fans are having trouble remembering that is a huge testament to future Ole Miss/Missouri/Auburn coach Clark Lea’s skill. Until next week…
Go ‘‘Dawgs!!!
