I really appreciate if you think this headline is ragebait, and truly it brings me no joy in saying it. Like every non-Cowboys fan I’m just as sick of the endless chatter, nauseating discussion, and extreme exposure we have to endure seeing Dallas on primetime football every other week, simply because everyone’s most obnoxious friend has been a fan of “America’s Team” since they peaked in the mid-90s like Mel Gibson.
That said, I had a really gross intrusive thought that made me puke in my mouth a little bit and I need to put it out there: We need Dallas in the playoffs.
Right now the Cowboys have just an 11 percent chance of making the postseason. Their path is to basically win out, and hope the Eagles drop at least two games to the Raiders, Bills, or Commanders (who they play twice) — so yeah, the odds aren’t that great. But the thing about Dallas and why we need them in the playoffs this season is they supply something that’s been fairly lacking in 2025, which is a lot of offense, and dumb, goofy fun.
This has been one of the best NFL seasons in recent memory. Nobody is running away with a division, the games are close, defense is back to being a major factor in games, and everything is unpredictable. However, this defensive lift around the league has also turned the Eagles into one of the most boring teams in the NFL to watch. Hell, this week’s Monday Night Football had me tuning into the weird Disney+ Monsters Inc. stream just to find a modicum of enjoyment, because nobody needed to see that game between the Eagles and Chargers in a serious manner.
Every good team set to make the playoffs is more or less built the same way, albeit with a few wrinkles. Sensible play calling, run-heavy offenses, bend-don’t-break defenses, and strategizing to keep the game close. The Cowboys on the other hand are dumb, really dumb. They’re your fun, drunk uncle who Ubers to Thanksgiving reeking of gin, and you just want to be in their proximity to see what happens. Maybe he’ll make a great joke that causes your mom to pee a little, perhaps he’ll throw up in the punch bowl. Who knows?!
Dallas has one of the best, most explosive offenses in the NFL. They rank 3rd in points scored, 1st in passing yards, 2nd in passing touchdowns, and remain the only team in the league that plays football like a pickup game on the beach. While most of the NFL are trying to run these long, pronounced, grinding drives — the Cowboys have their head out the car window like a dog, gleeful at the wind smacking them in the face and desperate to go faster. Their drives have lasted an average of 6.4 plays this season, possessing the ball for just 2:54 on average per drive. The only team that works faster on offense is the Rams, who are the most fun football team to watch this season.
Naturally the Cowboys are 6-6-1 for a reason, because their defense is HILARIOUS. Ranking 31st in the NFL in points allowed, Dallas’ unit is amazing because they treat making stops like a side salad at a steakhouse. They’ll pick at it a little, but don’t really look forward to it. This has resulted in the team being 32nd in the NFL in passing yards allowed, 31st in passing touchdowns allowed, 27th in both allowed rushing touchdowns, and yards per carry.
In a season where everyone is approaching the game with surgical precision, the Cowboys play football like Wreck it Ralph doing open heart surgery — jumping into the open chest cavity with reckless abandon. They’ll probably lose, and things might look gross, but dammit if it’s not impressive to watch.
We need this in football. We need this in the postseason. Big, dumb, flashy, explosive plays featuring passes that should never be thrown, tackles that should have been made, and everything in between. We don’t need another Eagles team to grind through the playoffs on the ambulatory-posterior of their questionable offensive play which yes, it’s legal — but become a little bit like that kid in grade school who hovers a finger an inch from your nose and insists they can’t get in trouble because “I’m not touching you.”
The tush push sucks. We all know it sucks. Deep down I think Eagles fans know it sucks. The play is boring as hell, and football is worse for it being allowed in the game.
What we need are more bombastic throws to George Pickens in triple coverage. Will it work out? Who knows! It’s probably a dumb idea, but Dallas is going to try it anyway because they have to. The defense is so bad there’s no other option than to throw big and hope it all works out.
When it comes to offense this season sure, we have the Rams — but Los Angeles is almost too good. Sometimes you don’t want to watch the polished horror movie that’s actually terrifying, you want to see Sharknado. That’s the Cowboys, the fun b-movie of the NFL.
If there is any justice in this world we will find a way to have the Cowboys in the playoffs, because it’s okay to embrace stupidity every now and then. I’m not asking for a Super Bowl run, just a couple of playoff games to break up the stagnant efficiency the best teams have plagued the league with.
Deep down I know you want to see the Cowboys in the playoffs too, and it’s okay. Let it be your guilty pleasure this season.
