Man Refuses to Add Ex-Wife’s Former Affair Partner and Now Husband’s Birthday as a Swap Day in Custody Agreement

A man turned to Reddit for outside perspectives after refusing to add his ex-wife’s former affair partner and now husband’s birthday into their custody agreement.

In his post, the 27-year-old explained that he has two children under 4 with his 26-year-old ex-wife. He noted that their marriage ended after she cheated on him with a 35-year-old man, whom she later married.

“In the custody agreement our birthdays are considered custody swap days because if I have the kids on my ex’s birthday, she gets them. If she has them on mine, I get them,” he explained. “The swap days are our birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and close family weddings and funerals.”

During typical weeks, he noted that they each get the kids for seven days at a time.

“Any other swap days we add are at our discretion and will not be added to a court order,” he wrote. “This includes if we later have more kids with other people, stepparents, step-relative weddings, funerals and such.”

However, he explained that his ex wants her current husband’s birthday included so they can celebrate with the children.

They claim that since the man “will be their second dad,” it’s only fair for them to all be together on his birthday since the little ones “won’t remember a time without him.”

“She even argued that it would be petty on my part to reject his birthday as a swap day. But I did reject it,” he wrote. “I told her he was not getting his birthday and my mind was made up.”

“The affair partner told me I must be a s—– dad to deny the kids his birthday and I told him if that makes me a s—– dad it definitely make him a s—– stepdad to be the other person in their parents marriage and the person who helped end their family,” he continued.

His ex-wife still “formally wrote out the request to add the day,” which he once again denied.

While the poster’s attorney told him that everything would be “fine,” his ex’s lawyer told him that “they would start a parental alienation case against me if I did not reconsider.”

“My attorney’s response was that they should be careful too because we have evidence that they have tried to buy me off and get me to drop out of my kids’ lives and let the affair partner adopt them,” he wrote. “Things were silent after this. But my ex brought it up during an exchange and she told me I’m a selfish SOB for not adding her affair partner’s birthday to the swap list.”

So, he turned to Reddit to ask if he was in the wrong — and the vast majority of people took his side.

“He’s not their second father. He’s their stepfather. And his birthday is not the type of holiday that requires their participation,” one user wrote. “Sounds like your ex and her husband have a lot of audacity. You did nothing wrong.”

While some people expressed concern about how the parents’ tense relationship could impact the children, the poster noted that he has been attending therapy to help him manage his feelings.

“I’ve worked with a therapist to learn how to handle my kids talking about my ex and her affair partner. I have been preparing for the day my kids might say how cool he is or even express love for him,” he wrote in a comment. “That way if it happens, I’m ready.”

“And I’m learning how to ask questions without making them sound negatively skewed,” he added. “I want to be the dad who put my kids first even if it might make me die a little inside if they get close to him.”